An "A" for Originality....I guess.

So, I grew up in a small Southern town. I went to two different colleges that were both fairly diverse. I then taught for 4 years in Georgia's fastest growing county. I've heard my share of strange and/or funny names. Growing up we had twins, Cadetrius and Demetrius, in our class. I taught kids named Diamond, Porche, and Dork (his middle name, thank God). And let's face it, my name is Delaney...not so much your run-of-the-mill name. But, I have never heard such strange names as the ones I've come across while working in a hospital.

It's kind of amazing what people will name their offspring. I mean, this is the little tiny person they carried for 9 months. Someone who they hope will go into the world and learn to be a great person who does great things. This is their child....whom they've decided to name "Dolla". As in, "Dolla dolla billz, y'all". I swear. I cannot make this stuff up. The names are so outrageous that a couple of my friends at work, G and B, started making a list of "Future Baby Names" so they'll have a good assortment to choose from when they have their own children. Some of those names, along with a few that I've collected along the way are:

Khaki (One of the most boring colors in the free world...what an obvious choice for a kid's name.)
Princess America (And, don't just call her Princes...it's the whole thing, or nothing at all.)
Miracle (I know you're trying to have hope and be positive, but it ain't lookin' good for you.)
Amiracle (Gonna need more than just a miracle with this name...let's try "Bunchamiracles")
King David (Why??? Whyyyy???)
Sirmichael (That's the way to demand respect!)
Tarantula (spelled like the big, hairy spider -- pronounced "Tair-an-too-luh")
Kiwi (This is just dumb.)
GS3 (short for "God's Soldier to the 3rd Power")
Egypt (Maybe he'll get a little brother "Pharoah" and a little sister "Great Pyramids")
Messenger (Will definitely be the weird kid in class.)
Preshus (I didn't misspell that....Mama did when she named the kid.)
Messiah (I was informed that it's a Bible name. Really? Didn't realize that, thanks.)
Topaz (Nothing like a lesser quality semi-precious stone to reflect your child's worth, right?)
Quartz (Ranks even lower than Topaz)
Venereal (As in "something Clorox won't take out")

And, my alltime favorite...Cashmona (Pronounced "Cash Mo-Nay")

If you think I'm full of it, I invite you to look here. This is a list of real life baby names given by parents in the great state of Georgia in 2007. To make it easy on you, the list is divided into categories: Animals, Cars, Elements, Food and Drink, Occupations, Trademarks, etc. I like to think that in about 20 years Nacho and Taco might be meet up with Lime and Tequila for a 21st birthday fiesta. I hope I'm invited!

I quit!

For all of you out there who spend restless nights awake worrying about my health and wellbeing, I'd like to announce that I have stopped smoking. Not only have I stopped smoking, but I now believe that smoking is gross, and disgusting, and wildly unattractive. I stopped a while back (well, Vegas doesn't really count, does it?), but wanted to make sure it would stick before making my announcement to the world. So, there you go...

The next thing I'll be quitting is probably my dumbass job at Festivity. Either that or my new Crest Whitening with Scope...it's kind of gross.

Tax-Free Weekend: Some Thoughts.

So, I ventured out into the wilds of Tax-Free Weekend shopping today.

My mission:
1) To purchase clothes suitable for working in a building that has temperatures ranging from the glaciers of Antartica to the sands of the Sahara

...and...

2) To find shoes that meet the following criteria:
-Aren't ugly
-Are comfortable enough to navigate an entire day of work without making me shed tears or apply bandaids
-Won't make the "clack, clack, clack....here's comes the teacher" sound when I walk down the hallways. That sound is scary, even when you're the teacher.
-And, finally, that make my legs and butt look AMAZING!

My fear: The Day-After-Thanksgiving mall crowds that would surely engulf me upon my entrance to the mall.

My plan of attack:
1) Get there early. (Clarification: I'm talking 10am early, not the crazy 6am kind of early.)
2) Wear comfortable clothes that are easy to get in and out of in a cramped dressing room.
3) Flip flops for easy shoe switching.
4) No breakfast to ensure I look my best in the 3-way mirrors.

My findings:
1) The crowds weren't nearly as bad as I'd expected, which leads me to believe that our economy has, in fact, gone to Hell in a handbasket.
2) The comfortable clothes and flip flops made it easy to run away (literally) from the guy working the flat iron kiosk. Does he seriously think I'll let him touch my hair with his crusty 'ol flat iron? No. I will not. And, I never will - no matter how many times you ask me, dude.
3) There are absolutely no shoes in the entire metro-Atlanta area that meet my criteria. And, I'm beyond pissed about that.
4) Purple is the new black, and I'm kinda loving it.
5) I hate teenagers....particularly teenagers who go to malls.
6) People who take their small children to the mall on holidays or Tax-Free Weekend are effing nuts. I realize that it might be hard to get a sitter, but really....isn't it easier to leave them at home than to steer your gigantic strollers through narrow aisles and hoards of people -- all while trying to find sensible work shoes? And, do you get extra points for taking up the entire walkway? Or, for walking at a snail's pace? Don't you think that leaving your kids with a responsible, non-mall-going teenager would be better for everyone involved?? It would be great for me, thanks.
7) Not eating breakfast might make you look a little better, but nobody looks good lying on the floor of the Ann Taylor Loft dressing room because your blood sugar has hit a downward spiral, and you can't muster the energy to take yourself to the food court.

Lessons learned. Work pants purchased. Still searching for shoes...